Now that we’ve reviewed the standard treatment for ADHD, I’ll let theory take a backseat and allow my personal experience to take the wheel. In the second installment of this four-part series, I will share what it was like being medicated for ADHD from the age of 7 to 16. You will take a walk in my shoes as I convey a message I couldn’t articulate as a child. A message your child may not have the conscious ability to communicate to you. Growing up I was a little ball of unruly, explosive energy. I was radiant, I was rambunctious, and most of all, I was fearless. I had a slapstick sense of humor that was beyond containment. I was bold and brazen; always pushing the envelope of social acceptability. I walked to the beat of my own drum, making a mockery of conformity. When my teacher posed a question, I would blurt out the answer without being called upon. If someone told me not to do something, I felt a sudden urge to defy them as if it were a challenge. It wasn’t long before the world around me saw this as a threat to their authority. To aggravate the matter, I was easily distracted and classwork ultimately failed to compel my attention. It’s fair to say I was a rebellious little boy.
There is no question. I can positively affirm the drugs prescribed for ADHD do in fact work. Your presently disruptive child will remain quiet, seated, and refrain from outbursts or talking out of turn. They will go from being extremely inattentive to having laser-like focus. They will go from being hyperactive to docile and submissive. They will no longer defy authority figures as they transition from one extreme to another. Their grades will climb exponentially, and they will become exemplary academics – Ms. Susie Schoolteacher’s star pupil. But in doing so, you will have killed the spark in your child’s heart and the twinkle in their eye. You will be extinguishing the fire in their belly and sapping their zeal for life in exchange for zombie-like servility. The drugs will rob your child of their exuberance and electricity – the very substance of their existence. The younger you start your child on these mind-altering drugs, the more profound the long-term consequences.
FEELING WITHDRAWN
As I got older, I became more withdrawn and disassociated from my classmates. I felt like an antisocial wallflower without any of the self-esteem or confidence that I previously had. I felt like something was strangulating my fun-loving spirit and cutting off my ability to just be myself. I suddenly became insecure, inexplicably anxious, and hyperaware of what I should or shouldn’t say to the point that it debilitated my communication skills and sense of self-expression. I no longer felt comfortable in my own skin.
THE MEDS STOLE MY SOUL
Although Ritalin and Adderall increased my capacity to focus in the classroom and complete my homework, they stole my identity and my life force. They sucked the vital life energy right out of the fabric of my being. I went from being a big ball of joyous energy, the outspoken life of the class, to a complete vegetable. All I felt like doing is following orders. Pay attention to the lecture. Complete the assignment. Go to sleep. Repeat. Life just became a task that required completion. The juice of life – socializing with friends, having a sense of humor, or experiencing real emotion suddenly felt like a needless dramatization. Everything became strictly business and anything that wasn’t just felt like a chore – unnecessary theatrics. As a little boy, I couldn’t psychologize what I was experiencing or translate it into words. In fact, I was readily willing to take the pills that were locking my brain in a vice grip if it meant pleasing my parents. For everyone on the outside looking in, it’s a such a pleasant change of pace; but for the child living under the influence, it’s an experiential stranglehold.
SUPPRESSED APPETITE
I sincerely feel the drugs stunted my growth, as well, since they completely killed my appetite, which further impeded my ability to obtain the vital nutrients my body so desperately needed to maintain healthy cognition and mental focus. In addition to the fact that amphetamines suppress your appetite, they also waste away your muscle tissue. I remember lacking the strength of my teammates on the athletic field. By the end of the school day, my blood levels of the drug would bottom out and intense hunger pains would set in with a vengeance. Waiting for dinner, I would get so hungry I would throw fits.
OTHER ADVERSE EFFECTS
In addition to the psychological torment caused by the medication, I was further afflicted by a myriad of adverse effects typical of amphetamine drugs. I gained an unwelcomed first-hand experience of the term “meth mouth.” I vividly remember sitting in class vigorously clenching and grinding my teeth out of my skull. After years of this wear and tear, I was left with noticeably chipped and worn-down teeth, making orthodontist visits a real inconvenience to say the least. Some of my teeth even required reconstruction with dental composite.
SPIDER VEINS
I’ll never forget the time my friends and even my own family laughed at me for developing spider veins in my legs, an unsightly blemish associated with old age and geriatrics. As odd as this may seem in a high school boy, methamphetamine use causes severe vasoconstriction, which can cause veins to die and rise to the surface of the skin from loss of circulation.
Adding insult to injury, I also developed Tourette syndrome as a consequence of taking the medication. My ticks included a spontaneous urge to jerk my arms and clench my muscles. I felt no control over these sudden impulses, and it was embarrassing to be seen performing them around others. I would attempt to play it off like they were natural movements because it was demoralizing to admit I had lost control of my own body.
To my dismay, I began having obsessive, compulsive thoughts. This kind of ideation completely conflicted with my personality throughout my early childhood. I was a fun-loving, care-free kid who never tended to fixate or dwell on things. In fact, something else would catch my attention before I could become overly occupied with any one thing. Now I became acutely aware of every little imperfection and inadequacy about myself. Being overly conscientious spawned severe body image issues. I can’t say with certainty that this was a direct result of the medication, but if the meds weren’t a primary cause, I feel they at least amplified this sudden change in behavior. Corroborating my suspicions, I found a case study of a 14-year old boy who developed Obsessive Compulsive Syndrome within ten days of taking the commonly prescribed ADHD drug Concerta. Just after two weeks of discontinuing the medication, the boy’s symptoms disappeared.
OCD DEVELOPS
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
By the time I reached the 10th grade, I could no longer tolerate the effects of the medication. I was a sophomore in high school, and I desperately desired a social life, which wasn’t possible on the medication. I was fed up with feeling empty and lifeless, and I wanted to feel alive again. I had already lost what were supposed to be the golden years of my childhood, and subconsciously, I felt angry and resentful they were stolen from me. I wanted to make up for lost time, but unfortunately years of drug use left me with lingering health problems. For years my ticks and involuntary jerking persisted, and my spider veins gradually became worse.
After finally refusing the medication, it wasn’t long before my grades plummeted, and I lost interest in school. The reality was, I never learned impulse control or how to focus my attention by my own volition. I was only encouraged to pop pills to solve my problems. Sure, there were other forces accelerating my downward spiral, too. My raging sex hormones were definitely a distraction, and the pop culture icons I idolized certainly didn’t encourage me to pursue my academic career. But more than anything, I just felt cheated. My doctor insisted that the only way I’d excel in school is if I was medicated.
But what are good grades and a diploma worth when every day your life feels deflated and dull? Life isn’t worth living when you feel drugged. The best way I can describe it is that it’s like being reduced to a lifeless piece of machinery. You feel robotic, spiritless, and apathetic. The sedative effect produced by these drugs is analogous to a chemical straightjacket. It restricted my extroverted nature by oppressively forcing me into a submissive state of introversion. It is chemical mind control in its purest form.
TRANSFORMATION INSTEAD OF MEDICATION
Looking back, I now know sedation was not the most sensible solution to a behavioral problem. When the life of the drug expired, I was reminded that it was only suppressing my problems. Since when has suppressing our problems ever led to a positive outcome? If you’re trying to resolve an emotional conflict or elicit behavioral change, the proper response is not to bottle it up inside with the use of drugs. Drug culture is what has socially engineered society to view pills as their problem solver, and it was my reliance on pills that suppressed the little boy inside me; the little boy who was still very much alive after I made the decision to stop suppressing my problems and start facing them. But if drugs aren’t the answer, what’s the alternative? In the next segment of this series, we will explore the hidden causes behind ADHD and reveal how you can begin healing, rather than treating this condition.